Pondering...ok so I'm pondering over something...have been for a little while and today I got something in the mail and I looked over it and I'm thinking that it's meaning to just go do it. Try it. ok...this is it..........
This is something I'm NOT proud of...I totally regret my decision from years ago and it's been almost 14 years and within the past 14 years on a off I've had a desire to fix this. I know I can't erase what I did in the past with this or anything else for that matter and I need to learn to just let go of it..forgive myself and move on in many many areas..not too sure how to do that yet..anyways about this one thing..........................
14 years ago I decided to drop out of school. I was in the middle of my Junior year and I just walked away from it all. It really has not effected me as far as work goes until now..but it has in many many other areas of my life...one feeling like I failed at something huge and I have a very hard time in life doing something new and different no matter what it is..fear of failure. I hate failing and I hate not knowing or understanding how to do something. Quite frankly I'm very fearful of going back and failing at this. I'm really trying not to let fear take control but I am and I have.
F.E.A.R..................this is what my therapist says fear is.....and no I really haven't gotten in discussing this too too much with her as of yet...there's so many other areas I'm working on and to add this...hmmmmmm anyways..FEAR.....................FALSE... EVIDENCE.... APPEARING .....REAL...............
Can't say I care too much for her meaning because to me fear is real...it's not false..BUT I am letting it take control. I do feel that dropping out of HS was a a HUGE mistake and it's something I failed at and I hate that with a passion and I hate that feeling of failure.anyways..............
I looked over the book with the classes and stuff. It's pretty cheap. Testing is tomorrow as in (Wed) not too sure if I'll have my courage built up by then.Or there's always next week. A week to ponder some more..... I feel like I do not know anything anymore. It's been SO long and I've forgotten SO much stuff....I just need to get my feet in the door. :) A few weeks ago I actually came across my HS transcripts......I almost feel that I need to this. To prove to myself and to better myself as a person. The jobs I've had...I don't want them any longer. I'm not happy where I'm at....I want to be better all around and that is just plain hard for me to do!!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Pondering....................
Posted by Linda at 12:24 PM
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7 comments:
You have a strong faith. Draw on this to help you and you will do fine. I believe in you and better still so does God. Good luck on this imporant step.
NOW LINDA DO NOT PUT OFF THINGS YOU NEED TO DO THIS !!!! GOD WILL HELP YOU THROUGH IT!! ALL YOUR FRIENDS BELIEVE YOU ARE SMART ENOUGH TO DO THIS KEEP YOUR HEAD HIGH AND GO DO THIS ON WED 12-31-2008 END THE OLD YEAR ON A GOOD NOTE !!!THAT WAY YOU WILL START 2009 WITH A CLEAR HEAD!!! THE NEXT TIME YOU SIGN IN HERE I WANT TO READ YOU DID THIS KEEP THAT HEAD HIGH GIRL A FRIEND IN CHRIST!!!!!
You say you've forgotten stuff and all that, but I think I can see through your writing and the things you've accomplished in your life that not finishing high school hasn't hindered your intelligence and capability.
That said, you should do it. No more regrets!
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You have my prayers and support! Go for it!!! you deserve the Best, Linda. This is just one more way of achieving it! Holy New Year to you and yours!!! Cathy
there's no shame in honest work, Linda, no matter what that work is, but satisfaction is something else and the people you work with can make things seem very agreeable or hell on earth.
So if you're getting the urge to return to study I would say give it a go!
You're the one making the decision and in that way you are in control.
having something on paper that gives us a qualification can be a wonderful boost and even meeting and studying alongside others can help us to realise that there are many others out there that share our fears - and they, like you, are deciding to do something positive about it.
Only you can decide Linda. Don't forget though that there are many non academic classes too leading to self awareness and confidence building where you could end up helping others, once you've done the course.
I'll pray for you Linda, that you will be blessed in all you do this coming year!!
Just wanted to say that I left school early without any qualifications either, so I kind of know in some way how you feel :0)
One thing is for certain it is clear from your blog that you are an articulate, inteligent and creative person with a wonderful abilty to bring joy to others.
Good Luck and God Bless in whatever the future holds!
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