Christmas Time

As I look out doors at the snow falling from the sky & look at my glistering tree & the ceramic tree that belonged to John's mom it makes it feel more like Christmas for me. As we get closer it feels a little bit more like Christmas. It looks like Christmas around me & I'm feeling it a little bit more in my heart. I can slowly feel my harden heart softening. I'm afraid I have not been myself. I have been bitter and just plain cranky and upset over the fact that things are not going my way and that this Christmas I am unable to buy anything for anyone. That is the first time ever for me. I usually start my shopping super early and I am done by Thanksgiving. This year has been a very very hard year and I just couldn't buy for anybody. That totally breaks my heart & I am trying to deal with it the best that I can. I felt like scrooge and feel like him just a little still. I didn't even want a tree in fear that it would put me in a deep depression & just the fact that we didn't have 30 bucks to blow on a tree. I wanted nothing to do with Christmas this year. Well, we got a tree. John got a great deal on a beautiful tree. He surprised me with it and I had it all decorated within a couple hours. It looks awesome and I am enjoying sitting in the dark with just the tree on. There's something almost magical about it. I'm SO glad we got the tree. I know I would've regretted it if we had not got one. Once I did the tree my spirits were lifted a little and I then proceeded to put up a few other little decorations. :) I say that I didn't buy any gifts for anyone. I did how ever the other day picked up some fabric and I am along with a friends help am making my hubby some pj's. It only cost me 10$. I do not sew and haven't sewn anything since HS. So this is a major test and a learning experience for me. We managed to sew them wrong, we undid them and sewed them again. It's a learning curb as she called it. Bless her to put up with me. I was just very frustrated today. Had a bad case of the blahs. When we fixed them the right way I was getting excited about it. We are not done. I will go up and finish them in a day or so. I'm excited to give him something I made my hand..slaved over...It is a group effort. Her kids were helping as well. I am having fun with it. I know he will love them even though it's not much. I want to blab and tell him. :) It's also something from the heart and I know that will mean a lot to him. I am trying to tell myself that what I am giving him is ok and it is enough. It's more than enough. I know that I don't need to give him a thing and he would be ok with it. I know it's not about the gifts but I wanted him to have something special from me. Besides I am pretty sure that he managed to get me something. I am 99.9% sure and I have to have something for him, or I'd really feel totally low about it. As I am sitting here thinking and writing all of this I am really trying to get it through my thick head and in my heart that Christmas is NOT about me. I know that this is a real test on me. I feel like I'm failing..but anyways. It's about our wonderful Saviors birth. It's about Jesus..It's NOT about me!!


THE MEANING OF CHRISTMAS

Just the week before Christmas, I had a visitor.
This is how it happened.

I had just finished the household chores for the night and was preparing to go to bed
when I heard a noise in the front of the house. I opened the door of the front room,
and to my surprise, Santa Claus himself stepped out from
behind the Christmas tree. He placed his fingers over his mouth so I would
not cry out.

"What are you doing..." I started to ask, but the words choked up in my throat
as I saw he had tears in his eyes. His usual jolly manner was gone -- gone
was the eager, boisterous soul we all know.

He then answered me with a simple statement of "Teach the children." I was
puzzled. What did he mean? He anticipated my question and with one quick
movement brought forth a miniature toy bag from behind the tree. As I stood
there bewildered, Santa said again, "Teach the children. Teach them the old
meaning of Christmas -- the meanings that Christmas nowadays has forgotten."

I started to say, "How can I..." when Santa reached in the toy bag and pulled
out a brilliant shiny star. "Teach the children the star was the heavenly
sign of promise long ages ago. God promised a savior for the world and the
star was a sign of the fulfillment of that promise. The countless shining
stars at night -- one for each man --- now show the burning hope of all
mankind." Santa gently laid the star upon the fireplace mantle and drew forth
from the bag a glittering red Christmas tree ornament.

"Teach the children red is the first color of Christmas. It was first used by
the faithful people to remind them of the blood which was shed for all the
people by the Savior. Christ gave His life and shed His blood that every man
might have God's gift of Eternal Life. Red is deep, intense, vivid -- it is
the greatest color of all. It is the symbol of the gift of God."

"Teach the children," he said as he dislodged a small Christmas tree from the
depths of the toy bag. He placed it before the mantle and gently hung the red
ornament on it. The deep green of the fir tree was a perfect background for
the ornament. Here was the second color of Christmas.

"The pure green color of the stately fir tree remains green all year round," he
said. "This depicts the everlasting hope of mankind. Green is the youthful,
hopeful, abundant color of nature. All the needles point heavenward --
symbols of Man's returning thoughts toward Heaven. The great green tree has
been man's best friend. It has sheltered him, warmed him, made beauty for
him." Suddenly, I heard a soft tinkling sound.

"Teach the children that as the lost sheep are found by the sound of the
bell, it should ring for man to return to the fold -- it means guidance and
return. It further signifies that all are precious in the eyes of the Lord.
As the soft sound of the bell faded into the night, Santa drew forth a candle.
He placed it on the mantle and the soft glow from its tiny flame cast a glow
about the darkened room. Odd shapes in shadows slowly danced and weaved upon
the walls.

"Teach the children," whispered Santa, "that the candle shows man's thanks for
the star of long ago. Its small light is the mirror of starlight. At first,
candles were placed on the trees -- they were light many glowing stars shining
against the dark green. The colored lights have now taken over in
remembrance."

Santa turned the small Christmas tree lights on and picked up a gift from
under the tree. He pointed to the large bow and said, "A bow is placed on a
present to remind us of the spirit of the brotherhood of man. We should
remember that the bow is tied as men should be tied, all of us together, with
the bonds of good will toward each other. Good will forever is the message of
the bow."

Santa slung his bag over his shoulder and began to reach for the candy cane
placed high on the tree. He unfastened it and reached out toward me with it.
"Teach the children that the candy cane represents the shepherd's crook. The
crook on the staff helps bring back the strayed sheep to the flock. The candy
can represents the helping hand we should show at Christmas time. The candy
cane is the symbol that we are our brothers' keepers."

As Santa looked about the room, a feeling of satisfaction shone in his face.
He read wonderment in my eyes, and I am sure he sensed admiration for this
night.

He reached into his bag and brought forth a large holly wreath. He placed it
on the door and said, "Please teach the children the wreath symbolizes the
eternal nature of love; it never ceases, stops, or ends. It is one continuous
round of affection. The wreath does double duty. It is made of many things
and in many colors. It should remind us of all the things of Christmas.
Again, Santa whispered, "Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas."