My Life

I can't say that I have been very happy these past few days. I have cried so much in the past few days it is not funny. I have moved. I moved in with the guy I'm seeing. It's good...I think. I have my doubts-little ones. We're getting in the Thanksgiving-Christmas season. I feel lost. I had a melt down as I was going through my stuff yesterday and today. I want love. To be loved to feel loved. I need Jesus back in my life. I feel so lost. So out of sorts, so confused. I don't feel like me. I am not me. I've lost my friends and part of my family day I left my ex. Sometimes deep down i wonder if that was the right choice. I know in a way it was. I wasnt happy for a long time. I dont feel I was treated right, but I do miss a lot of things. I have a few things now that I didnt have before but I am still lacking love. I guess in a way I'm looking for love in all the wrong places. Always have...all my life, and after the past few days and how I've been feeling I want a drink so bad. I want to scream, I want to run away from my life and everybody. I've lost all that matters to me, and it's all my fault. I don't know what is wrong with me. Christmas wont feel like Christmas this year. Not to me. It's going to be so different for me. I'm not handling it well at all, and we're not even there yet, I can only imagine what i will feel like when we get closer to Christmas. I guess i will stop whinning now. :) .................until next time.....