Today is it.....

Today I go to court for my divorce. It is now 2 am. I am wide awake. I need to be at the court house at 8:30 in the morning. I have no clue how I am going to be able to handle things. I can not seem to stop crying. I have no idea why. This is in the end what I wanted i guess. I was the one who walked away. I left & never really looked back. I've been really trying to move on with my life. Granted I've not made too many wise decisions lately, but I am trying to head in the right direction. I guess I really never wished that it would end up this way. We both gave up. We didn't try to fight for each other. We just gave up. Kinda sad. At one time he was my best friend. I lost my best friend along the way somewheres. I felt that he fell out of love for me. We fought a lot. We were not tender to each other, respect each other and in the past year were not there for each other. I was living a different life from him, even though we were both in the same house. We were together for 13 years. 13 years gone by, and now i need to totally leave that all behind me and move forward and try to make good choices for my life and not fall into the bad ones that I am starting to make. I'm gonna be a zombie if I dont get some sleep at all. I do have to say that out of this I have met some wonderful people and have some wonderful new friends who really seem to care about me & a added bonue which is good for me right now is that a few of them are Christians. I need to be around that and I am finding that i am pulling away from God, instead or going towards Him. I guess I have my own agenda. I am not in a good place right now what so ever. God help me....................................