Choices

Sometimes we make choices in life that can be for us or ones that can totally be against us. I have made a major choice in my life. I made this choice two weeks ago & I am a bit confused. It's the end of an era, and end of a life and a end of a marriage. It was a choice I made. I have always said that I would never leave my marriage but I did. I'm sad but not for reasons people might think. I'm not sad to loose my husband. I'm sad for 13 years.... I miss my kitties but not him. I know that God isn't blessing this. I have decided to move on with my life no matter the cost. My husband and I have not gotten a long for a very long time and we were very close to calling it quits fall time. I decided now is the time. I have no place to live. I am bouncing around like a yo-yo. I am very unstable. That is the hardest part..not having a place of my own. I need a job then I can have my own place. It's hard to go through everything..even if it was my choice. My husband and I have talked and we are going to fill out the proper paper work together. He is being very civil to me. I think he's being way too nice. I don't deserve it. I left him. I don't regret it. I honestly feel that I don't love him anymore. My heart hasn't been with him for awhile now...my heart is on my sleeve and it is elsewhere. That I also fear. I fear the unknown in my life. I like knowing what I am going to do, where I am going to be, and who I am going to be with. What is true love. I haven't felt that my husband hs given me the love and respect that I need and deserve. I won't bash him, but our relationship has been very rocky for 13 years. Deep in my soul I feel that I need to move on with the next phase in my life unfortunately..it doesn't include him. I do care about him, but not love, my heart is elsewhere and has been buried elsewhere for 16 years until now. I fear my heart. I fear a shattered heart.(I did not leave my husband for another person) I have been wanting to leave for years and was jsut afraid to do so until now. I do care about my husband and I wish him well in his life and all that he does. I don't hate him and I hope that he won't hate me, and that we just can be civil to each to other and both move on our separate ways. Anyways..that is what is going on with me and my world these days & that is why I haven't been on blogging or visiting other blogs. Too much on my plate right at the moment.